Web Thinking
Just as my frustration reached a boiling point and I was about to quit, I noticed I wasn't the only one in the room. I sensed a presence hovering over my right shoulder. When I turned my head to look, I saw it. The tiniest spider had descended from the ceiling and hung next to my ear. A bigger spider would have scared me, but this one was so mini that I could only giggle in delight. It was cute!
How perfect! A spider came to help me build my website.
I was frustrated because I had made a mistake and split myself in half. I took some advice and split my business into two businesses with two websites.
Living a double life wasn't a new experience for me. When I was younger, I lived in two worlds—as a math teacher by day and an artist by night.
A giant brick wall separated the two worlds. I could not easily speak about art with my teaching colleagues or math with my artist friends. Everywhere I went, I showed up as a fraction of myself—never a whole person. I hated separation and longed for connection.
When I first opened my business, I wanted to use art and storytelling to teach math. It was a way to bring the two worlds together to help students understand the material better, show its relevance to their own lives, and make learning math way more fun.
That was my original intention, but several events led me to deviate from that goal.
I strayed so far from that goal that I found myself building websites for artists. I was so busy with clients that I had little time for my art. I loved my clients. They kept me going but I was not in alignment with what I was doing. I was not doing my art and not using art to teach math as my original intention. I was doing something different.
When I finally got the courage to carve out some time for my art, someone advised me to create two businesses with two different websites. One for clients and one for art.
It seemed like good advice, but I ended up back in the same place I tried to leave—living between two worlds. Broken and not whole. No connections.
To make matters even worse, the split in websites confused my marketing, and people didn't get me at all. Business stopped flowing naturally.
I was stuck, and the only way to fix the situation was to bring the pieces back together—to build one website that included everything. But how? I didn't know how and was feeling stuck, stuck, stuck!
The spider's presence helped me see in a new way. I think in pictures, and thanks to my little friend, I visualized a giant web fastened between two trees. It was strong. Even though the wind blew through it, the web remained intact.
Sometimes, threads break. People get uncomfortable with complexity and want to fix it. The spider showed me what happened. It was like people were taking scissors and cutting threads in my web. When I tried to talk to others about my vision, they didn't see the connections. They just saw confusion. They cut threads to help me clear the complexity and help me focus.
It was okay to cut a few threads, but if you cut too many, the web will eventually fall. It can't hold up without connections.
I was stuck because too many of my threads had been cut. I paused and breathed deeply, sensing the spider's pain.
What happened to me was the same thing happening to the Earth. People were cutting the threads and breaking the connections. Separation hurts!
However, all was not lost. There was still hope. I could build a new web. I just needed to reconnect the threads.
But how? There are so many possible connections in my mind. Where would I begin?
The spider started wiggling and moving its legs all over the place. Something was odd about its movements. They weren't orderly. The first leg moved, then the third, then the fifth, then the second, and so on. There was no logical order. It was an irrational spider dance.
The spider was telling me to go out of order. It doesn't matter where you start. Once a few strands are in place, the pattern will emerge. Just follow the connections.
It's been a few years since I encountered the spider, but its wisdom has stuck with me. I am still working on my website and continuing to form new connections. It's an evolutionary process—never-ending and non-linear—just like life, just like the Earth.
One of the symptoms of autism is difficulty with executive functioning, which means difficulty prioritizing tasks, breaking items down into step-by-step processes, and thinking linearly.
I want to redefine it as thinking inside a web. Like a spider would have difficulty catching a fly with only one strand, my brain needs connections to function. I finally realized it's okay to be like a spider and go out of order. The process may be messy, but the result is a strong web.
I invite you into my world to experience life the way I do. The next time you feel stuck, be like the spider. Go out of order. Focus on connections rather than tasks. See what happens.
Contributions
I have decided to make this blog open and accessible to everyone. Your loving contributions help to support me to have the time and resources I need to write and publish this content. They are very much appreciated.
Newsletter
When you sign up for my newsletter, you'll get updates on new blog posts and artwork. As a fun bonus, I will personally send you a free sticker in the mail.
About the Artwork
Web Thinking was created entirely out of tiny pieces of paper cut out of recycled magazines. The original, prints, greeting cards and journals are available with the image.
