Silence
The second I finally opened my voice, I heard the chairs being put away. One after another, people stood up quietly, grabbed their belongings, and left the room. I lay there alone, in silence.
It wasn't the first time I experienced rejection and ridicule for expressing myself, and it certainly won't be the last. The irony was that it happened in a group that was so safe and supportive. The group helped me open my voice and clear the block I had around speaking. As soon as I did, the support stopped. It transformed into the opposite.
As much as I wanted to express myself clearly, I couldn't translate the images I saw in my head into words. All that came out were strange noises—enough to be left alone, enough to choose to go back to silence once again.
The pattern of opening up and closing down is nothing new. I have written whole books only to throw them in the trash and delete the computer files. I silence myself until I want to speak again, and then the pattern continues.
I know I'm not the only one who experiences this dynamic. I've met some brilliant people with closets full of art and other amazing creations, never to be shown. It happens more often than we think.
Shame is the great silencer. But it is not a complete silencer. It only blows out the candle of expression. The stories remain. They stay lit and very much alive throughout our daily experience. They remain, just not shared.
I still see the little lizard come out of the bush to greet me in the morning. It looks up at me as if to say, "Will you tell my story?" Then it goes back into the bush.
I still see the birds in the sky and know what stories they are for.
These stories stay alive because they want to be shared. They want expression and patiently wait until we are ready.
When we look at business, we can easily see the costs of a product: supply and labor. But for creative work, there is a third cost: vulnerability, rejection, judgment, and shame. Sharing our stories comes at a price.
Shame is a strong force that wants me to stop and blow out the candle. I am choosing to keep it lit because the cool thing about fire is that it comes from fire. Once lit, a candle can light other fires. Sharing encourages more sharing.
All people feel shame, vulnerability, and the fear of rejection because it's part of being human. People on the spectrum can be susceptible to it because our differences make us easy targets of teasing or bullying.
Social rejection and humiliation, especially at an early age, create feelings of shame that can last a lifetime.
But perhaps it doesn't have to stay that way. Let's change the pattern, keep the candles lit, and keep the stories flowing.
I invite you to think about the people in your life. Who has something to share that they may have a hard time sharing? I invite you to spend time with them. Light a candle and listen. Ask questions, be patient, be supportive, and, most importantly, be nonjudgmental. Watch them come to life as they share. The experience could mean the world to them, and their story could enrich your life.
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About the Artwork
Silence was created entirely out of tiny pieces of paper cut out of recycled magazines. The original, prints, greeting cards and journals are available with the image.
